


Easier to Run

by LiveThroughThePages



Category: Ookiku Furikabutte | Big Windup!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-High School, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-05-03 22:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5308466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiveThroughThePages/pseuds/LiveThroughThePages
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The only thing Sakaeguchi could do was run. It was easier to force himself to run than to face how stupid he'd been.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Easier to Run

_Run._

The only sounds he could hear was the beating of his heart, his ragged breathing, and his feet hitting the ground beneath him.

_Just keep running._

The cold air seemed to tear his throat apart with each breath he took. His lungs ached. His legs begged him to stop, but he didn’t.

_Never stop running._

He pushed himself forward. His muscles burning in protest. But he couldn’t stop running. He wouldn’t.

_“How would you even know? You’re never here!”_

His selfish words rang through his head. He was stupid and immature. He was no better than a child.

_“Would you take a breath and relax so we talk about this?”_

Sensible words. Why hadn’t he listen?

_“Don’t tell me to relax!”_

Such poor, hotheaded words. He was so foolish.

_“You’re not thinking clearly.”_

Truer words had never been spoken to him, but he didn’t stop to think or listen.

_“I am thinking clearly! And I know exactly what I want!”_

He had yelled so loudly that people had probably heard him from down the hall. Even his roommate had stopped and stared. He had been very far from thinking clearly.

_“And what’s that?”_

How could someone have stayed so calm? Why hadn’t any of that calmness rubbed off on him? Why had he been so quick to act, to speak?

_“I want a break.”_

His heart ached remembering those words. Oh how he wished he could take them back now. Why had he said something so stupid?

_“Are you sure?”_

Those words were said in such a tranquil manner.

_“Yes.”_

No. No. No. He hadn’t meant any of it.

_“Fine.”_

One word, but it had had a feeling of finality to it. And it had shattered his world. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It wasn’t supposed to end.

_Focus on running._

He told this to himself over and over… and over. Clear the mind. And he tried. He tried to focus on moving his legs. One after the other. But the more he focused, the more his legs felt like lead. And his mind drifted back to his thoughts.

He tried to focus on his breathing. In and out. In and out. But no matter how hard he tried, it still felt like he was suffocating. It was like he wasn’t getting enough oxygen, and as he panicked, his focus broke. Once again he was thrown back into his thoughts.

_“Fine.”_

Who knew such a simple word could hurt so much. After everything they had been through, it was over without either of them fighting to keep it together.

He stopped running. His chest was tight. His legs no longer able to keep up with the strenuous exercise. His eyes burned as tears threatened to fall down his face. He felt sick. He felt lost. He had been so wrong to say what he had. And now it was completely gone. The one person he knew he couldn’t live without. The one person he knew he needed was no longer going to be waiting for him with open arms.

He looked up at the dark sky. A sky covered in clouds. Starless. Moonless. Nothing to make him feel remotely better. And why should he feel better? He screwed up. He deserved this. He wasn’t worthy of someone who was caring and understanding. He earned this punishment.

“You are a very hard person to find when you’re like this. Have you calmed down yet?” The voice was out of breath and shaky, but he knew exactly who it was.

“Suyama…” His voice was just above a whisper. Why? Why was he there? Why was he always so understanding? Why did he always show up at the right time? And why… why was he _smiling_?

“Come here, Yuuto.” Arms open, inviting him in again… like always.

He didn’t deserve this kindness. But he didn’t turn away. His body, that once ached beyond belief, was now filled with renewed energy. He ran straight into those open arms like he always had. It was comfortable being surrounded by them. It felt safe.

And he cried. He let it all out. Sobs shook him as he clung to the body pressed to him. “I’m so sorry, Shouji!” He managed to say. “I didn’t mean it!”

“I know,” his words were so soft and gentle. “I know you didn’t mean it. It’s okay now.”

And once again he was reminded that he was both lucky and undeserving of such a person. And he knew, from the bottom of his heart that he would never throw it away like that again.

**Author's Note:**

> I always make myself sad when I write stuff like this. Why do I do this to myself?


End file.
